My first recollection of knowing about God was when Grandpa Mike would take me to Sunday school at the Episcopal Church in Tenafly, New Jersey. One year, my Uncle Ferd was my teacher. I really don’t remember learning much about God or Jesus at the church. Not that they weren’t sharing with me – I just wasn’t receiving. Actually, there was a radio program Grandpa used to listen to each Sunday afternoon – “The Greatest Story Ever Told” – that I liked. It was a dramatization featuring Jesus and His disciples acting out the events of Jesus’ life on earth. I loved to listen to the stories, which all told in some way of God’s love for us. However, I was not spiritually in tune at the time and they had no influential effect on me.
Beginning when I was in second grade, my mother used to send me (and later Linda and Mike when they were old enough) to Old South Presbyterian Church. When I was in the fourth grade, my Sunday school teacher was a young, single man – Dave. He befriended me. We would walk through the church’s cemetery between Sunday school and worship time looking at the various grave stones. Some of them dated back to the time of the Revolutionary War. One of those buried there was a man executed as a spy for the British! Dave was also the bell ringer and he would sometimes let me help him. I was so little that the bell would lift me off the floor as I held onto the rope! Anyway, I was no more in tune with God then than I was at the Episcopal Church. I do remember, however, that Mrs. Thorne had a Bible club after school when I was in the third or fourth grade. I used to go when I felt like it. I remember her sharing the good news about Jesus with us, though I couldn’t have cared less at the time.
My Mom moved Linda, Mike and me to All Saints Episcopal when I was starting eighth grade. Let me relate a little story to show you how unspiritual I was in junior high. Mom enrolled me in confirmation classes. But I out-foxed her! There were two such classes each Tuesday. Ethel, my girlfriend, had a little brother, Billy. He went to the earlier class. When he came home, he would tell me just enough about what was said so I could tell Mom. As far as I know, she never found out that I never attended any of the classes except the first one! What surprised me, though, was the priest. He let me be confirmed even though I didn’t know Jesus from the gardener! I even became an altar boy! How dumb was that?!
After we moved to Fayson Lakes in 1956, as often as he could, Daddy would take us kids to Christ Episcopal Church in Pompton Lakes. As I recall, that went on through the first half of my sophomore year in high school. They made me an assistant to the Sunday school teacher! I have no idea why. I still knew nothing about a relationship with God, though I could recite from memory much of the Book of Common Prayer.
After my sophomore year in high school, I didn’t attend church or Sunday school until I started dating Joannie in 1959. She had put her trust in Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior when she was ten in Southampton, Pennsylvania. She started attending the Baptist church in Bloomingdale. She would go to Sunday school and then I would join her for worship service. I liked the young pastor, but absolutely nothing he said about God stuck. I was just there to spend time with Joan.
Joan stopped going to church shortly after she started college. The only other spiritual input I got was shortly after we started dating, toward the end of 1959 as I recall. We had come home from a date and were sitting in my car in the driveway of her home in Fayson Lakes. She tried to tell me that she had put her trust in Jesus when she lived in Southampton. I didn’t understand any of what she said. It just didn’t compute at that time.
It wasn’t until our first son, Freddie (now David), was born while we lived in Hamilton Township, just outside Trenton, that the spiritual input resumed. We decided that, for Freddie’s sake, we should get into a church. For my part, I don’t think this had so much to do with God as that I thought it would be a good environment for him to grow up in. We began attending the Methodist church about a mile from our apartment. They may have tried to share something about Jesus with me. I really have no recollection of it, but if they did, I still wasn’t receiving at all.
I don’t ever remember not believing in God. I didn’t know much about Him, except that He created everything, but I believed in His existence. I also knew that Jesus was supposed to be the Son of God, but I had no idea of the significance of this, nor of what He had to do with me. I remember riding to work at the N. J. Motor Vehicle Division with coworkers George and Lennie. Somehow the discussion of beliefs came up and I remember saying, “I believe in God, but I don’t know what to do with Jesus.” Apparently, they didn’t either at that time, because neither shared any further about Him. (In 1990 while we were living in Glenside, Pennsylvania, I reconnected with George and he had become a serious believer.)
We moved to Winston-Salem in December of 1966 and became friends with the lady next door, Penny, and her little daughter Amy. Penny invited Joan to worship with her at a local Baptist church. I tagged along. The people were friendly and I liked the pastor. As clubs go, I thought it was as good as any. That was how I thought of it. I had no spiritual interest, but we decided to join in 1967. To join, I had to be “baptized”. To me, this was just the club’s initiation rite, so I got dunked. I don’t remember the pastor ever counseling me beforehand or even explaining what baptism was all about. I do remember though telling him the morning before the “baptism” that I believed in God, but didn’t know what to do with Jesus. His response, as I recall, was, “Sometimes I don’t either.” Not very helpful!
Joannie and I decided to help with the youth program at the church, which was very active and quite good. We helped with the Friday night coffee house program, which drew over a hundred kids, and with the Sunday night program. I led a discussion class on Sunday nights. I am ashamed to say that most of what I taught was not really good for the kids. I was arrogant and had absolutely no spiritual grounding. What I chose to lead discussions on was not based in scripture or even in basic morality. It was more harmful than helpful.
While I was of little to no benefit to the youth at the church in 1967 and early 1968, God used it to bring me to Himself. There was another couple, Jerry and Pat Carone, who were probably ten years older than we. They worked in the coffee house program too. There was something different about them – something good – especially Pat. They invited us to attend a Bible study that one of their friends hosted weekly. We went. We enjoyed it and the people, so we started attending regularly. For me, it was time to spend with people I liked. I still wasn’t getting the “message”.
However, one night after the study time while we were standing around talking over coffee and snacks, one of the men, Cy Moffitt, asked me if I had personally put my trust in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I didn’t have a clue what he was talking about and I said, “No.” He asked me if he could share with me what that was all about. I agreed.
We sat on the sofa and he shared with me from his Bible that God loved me. I thought that was probably true. Then he shared that, while God loved me and had great plans for me, there was a problem. I, like every other person on the planet, had sinned. In doing so, I had broken the relationship God wanted me to have with Him. I knew that, if there were such a thing as sin, I was guilty. Cy went on to say that, because God is perfect and different from us, He had to punish sin, because it is rebellion against Him. Cy said that, even if I lived a very long time and never sinned again, I couldn’t make up for the sin I had already committed – not because of its quantity, but because of its existence and God’s holiness. He said that God had to punish the sin, but He still loved me. He said that God had made a way for me to be made right with Him. He showed me John 3:16 in the Bible:
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16 (NIV)
Eternal life, Cy explained, was not just what happened to you after you died. It begins the moment a person puts his or her trust in Jesus. He noted that its result here and now was real peace and joy in all circumstances.
Carefully, Cy pointed out that I couldn’t make myself right with God. I could not do enough good to erase even one sin. But out of His great love and mercy, God came to earth in the person of His Son, Jesus. As 100 percent man, He obeyed God the Father at every turn. He did no sin. In doing this, He qualified Himself, as a man, to become the Savior of all who would trust in Him. Cy was diligent to explain that Jesus was Lord – Ruler, if you will – and if I were to put my trust in Him, it would require that I turn from my sinfulness and surrender myself to Jesus’ rule.
I understood what Cy was saying. I think I even agreed that what he was telling me was true. But when he asked me if I was ready to put my trust in Jesus, I told him, “No.” You see, I understood that, were I to put my trust in Jesus, it would mean that I would be giving up control of my life to Him. I was quite happy running my own life – thank you! (Even though I wasn’t doing all that great a job of it!) I really thought that, the minute I put my trust in Jesus, He would put me on a boat to Africa as a missionary. I was happy being the traffic engineer in Winston-Salem. Africa was the last place I wanted to be! So I told Cy, “No.”
Cy was very gracious. He told me that I didn’t need him. In the event that I changed my mind, he explained, all I had to do was talk to God, confessing my sinfulness, acknowledging that I could not do anything myself to excuse or erase my sin, acknowledging that Jesus died on the cross to pay for my sin, and surrendering my very self to Jesus’ rule.
I thanked Cy and we went home. Over the next two or three weeks I thought about what Cy had shared, especially when I was around Pat and Jerry. It got to the point that whatever it was they had, I wanted. I wanted the goodness. One night, while they were visiting with us, Pat asked, “Fred, have you thought any more about putting your trust in Jesus Christ?”
I told her that I had and that I wanted to trust Jesus as my Lord and Savior. She asked if they could lead me in praying to God about this and I said I would like that. They told me that God would hear me if I meant business. If I didn’t, the prayer would have no effect. I don’t remember the exact wording of that prayer, but it included all the thoughts expressed in the following prayer.
Father, I know that I am a sinner and that nothing I can do will erase that sin. I believe that Jesus died on the cross in my place, paying the debt for my sin. I believe that He rose from the grave to give me victory over sin and death. I now receive this free gift and surrender myself to Jesus’ rule. Lord, please come into me and make me the person you want me to be. Thank you, Lord, for saving me.
Pat led me in prayer one phrase at a time. When we were finished, I didn’t feel any different. I didn’t laugh. I didn’t cry. Many people do. I didn’t, but I knew deep down that I had transacted business with God. This was confirmed later that nigh as we were going to bed.
Prior to this, when I had tried to read the Bible, I never understood it. During elementary school we had read a psalm every morning. (Yes, these were public schools!) I even had some of them semi-memorized – like Psalm 23. But I didn’t understand even this most famous and basic of psalms! Part of this lack of understanding may have been due to the old King James English, but mainly I just wasn’t spiritually in tune with God. That night, after Jerry and Pat had gone home, I dusted off my old King James Bible and began to read before bed. To my great surprise, I was understanding what God was saying! I have since come to know that, the moment I chose to put my trust in Jesus, His Holy Spirit came to live in me forever. It was the Holy Spirit who superintended the writing of the Bible. He knew what He meant at the time and He has the ability to enable my understanding. I can’t tell you how much this has meant to me over the last 52 years.
So, just what good has trusting Jesus done for me? Why would I hang in there with Him these 52 years? Let me share just a little. First and foremost, He has consistently given me peace and joy in every single situation I have been in since then! Every situation. Some were pretty rough times – the suicide of our foster daughter, Sherri; the loss of multiple jobs; two 10-month long periods without a job and the attendant evaporation of every nickel of our savings – to name just a few.
Second, He saved our marriage. I was supremely selfish then. (In some ways, I still am, but God is still working on me.) I thought Joannie was supposed to make me happy continually. I hadn’t realized that wasn’t her responsibility. It was God’s. He gave Joannie to me to be my companion. Anyway, a number of times in those early years, I thought seriously about divorcing her so I could find someone who would make me happy. When I put my trust in Christ, He changed my understanding and my attitude. I praise Him for that! Joannie and I have had a good and satisfying marriage for almost 60 years – and still going.
David, Glenn and Beth have all benefited from my relationship with Jesus. They have had a father that has loved them, cared for them and taught them about God’s love. By God’s grace, this was taught not only in words, but backed up by a life walking with Him – certainly not perfectly – but believably. In part, they are the precious people they are today because of that.
I had one of the foulest mouths of anyone I know. I vividly remember teaching myself to swear when I was in the third grade. I didn’t even know what most of those nasty words meant, but I used them freely and often, no matter whose presence I was in – even ladies. Shortly after putting my trust in Christ, I realized that He had cleaned up my language. While I still occasionally used some of the milder words (and, I’m ashamed to say, I still do), I realized that He had taken away my propensity to use His Name carelessly and removed the more filthy words from my working vocabulary.
Navigating this world is difficult for many people, especially in this present time when everyone wants to live life with no boundaries – defining their own truth. As I have consistently studied God’s Word, He has given me His perspective on things – a clear understanding of right and wrong as He defines them – of real truth. This has enabled me to function in an ethical and trustworthy manner that has stood me in good stead both in my social life and in my work.
Most people who knew me in my B.C. days would tell you that I was supremely arrogant. Those who also know me now would agree that God has mitigated much of that and made me more understanding, compassionate and loving. Let me be clear here. He’s still working on me, but I am not that arrogant person anymore and all the praise for this goes to Him.
Through the study of His Word, God has given me both knowledge and the wisdom to apply that knowledge to life in a way that not only benefits me, but others as well. He has shown me how to genuinely love and care for other people. He has involved me in what He is doing, using me in the lives of many people in various ways. What a joy it is to know that God is not only at work in me, but that He chooses to use me to benefit others! Whereas before, I was so selfish, now much of my time is used ministering to others in various ways.
Since I put my trust in Him, God has used me to share Jesus with many people through my story, handing out booklets telling how someone can know Him, preaching, teaching and writing. I have had the joy of seeing people trust Christ and develop into growing Christians. God has used me to disciple believers to steadfastly walk with Jesus. He has built compassion into me – something that was totally foreign to my nature – and has used me to minister to people in various ways. By His grace, God has used me in many varied ways, especially in mission work in the U.S. and around the world. Yes – even in Africa! Let me be quick to acknowledge that I brought nothing to this process but my sin. All the glory goes to Him!
If I were to detail all the ways God has blessed me, it would take volumes. In fact, I’m sure He has blessed me in many more ways than I even realize. But one final way He has blessed me is that I have no fear of death. I’m not looking forward to the process of dying, but I know that only my body will die. I will simply move from this world to the next right into the arms of my loving heavenly Father. I have no doubt about that. As I look back over my life since I put my trust in Him, I realize that He has kept all His promises to me that have been applicable so far – for 52 years! Why would I think that He won’t continue to do so in my death?!
I guess the question is, “Have you chosen to put your trust in Jesus as your Lord and Savior?” If you haven’t, you can. All you need to do is accept God’s free gift. You do this by:
- Agreeing with God that you have sinned;
- Confessing that you believe that Jesus died on the cross to pay for your sins and rose again from the dead;
- Receiving Jesus into your life as your Savior; and
- Deciding to stop running your own life and turning control of it over to Jesus – your Lord.
If you would like to put your trust in Jesus, the prayer I quoted earlier can serve as an example. There is nothing magic about the words. You can simply talk to God about it. Your honest prayer expressing the things above in your own words will do fine. God will know whether you mean business or not. If you do, the Bible says He is faithful and just to forgive all your sin (past, present and future) and to cleanse you from all unrighteousness. (1st John 1:9) In addition, He will come to live in you and begin to make you the person He created you to be as you cooperate with Him. Why not begin that life today – right now?